Vol. 46
Saturday, September 4, 2010
©Marc Allan
All Rights Reserved
Sad to report, the headline of this story cannot be "Scottish Conan Guy Says 'I'll Kick Jimmy Fallon's Ass!'"
For one thing, Craig Ferguson -- who, on his Late Late Show often jokingly refers to himself as "the Scottish Conan guy" -- didn't say that, which would make quoting him that way problematic.
For another, that's not the way he thinks -- as you'll see farther down in this story. It doesn't matter if the competition was Conan O'Brien or is one of the Jimmys (Kimmel or Fallon). Ferguson said he plans to do his show his way, just as he has since David Letterman selected him to be the host who would follow Letterman's Late Show.
Since kicking off Late Late Show Jan. 3, 2005, Ferguson has consistently delivered by far the freshest and most inventive talk show of all. Working from a sparse set with no band or sidekick, he appears to be having the time of his life, whether he's goofing around with dinosaur puppets and sparklers, delivering his stellar, conversational monologue or simply chatting up guests.
The man simply radiates joy.
On the phone, he's every bit as entertaining and thoughtful as he talks about doing standup comedy, the world of late-night television and becoming an American citizen last year.
Let's go to the transcript.
Q: Will you be bringing any dinosaur puppets and sparklers?
Ferguson: I can't afford that kind of stuff on the road! Also, there's an ongoing FCC investigation into my use of dinosaurs and sparklers. It developed into a giant problem with me using a non-flame-retardant puppet. With all the problems going on in the world, me using a sparkler while holding a puppet seems to be the most dangerous.
Q: Are you really getting grief for that?
Ferguson: No. That night, the fire marshal was out of his mind. There's a danger having a show that is largely unscripted. It's a surprise to everyone what happens. I think that's a good thing, but occasionally you'll run into little adventures like that.
Q: What made you want to go on the road at this particular time?
Ferguson: I've been doing it for a couple of years now. I had begun -- I suppose I would call it a career -- but I'd begun whatever the hell I do as a standup years and years and years ago. By doing the monologue on the show, I think it activated that kind of desire again.
I think when you're a standup, you don't ever completely leave it. Look at how much Jay [Leno] goes out. It's clearly not for money. He doesn't need any more money; he loves doing it. The same with Robin Williams. He's on a 35-city tour right now. He doesn't need the money, either.
There's an independent feeling. Standups know that if you have your act -- literally your act -- together, it's a kind of insurance feeling: If you get sacked from everything else in show business, you can always go to the Chuckle Hut and earn enough to make your car payment.
Q: Can you give us an idea of what to expect from your standup act?
Ferguson: I guess it's mostly autobiographical. It follows the story of how and why I ended up in America. But that's a very loose theme for it. It allows me to do all the stuff I can't do on network television. I can swear a little bit, I can talk about dirty things -- all of the things that I enjoy. Dirty things and swearing. The next tour, that's what I'm going to call it: Dirty Things and Swearing.
Q: Let's talk late-night TV: I don't think I've ever seen anyone on TV who approaches their job with more joy than you do. Do you consider yourself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth?
Ferguson: I have a good time doing it. The truth is, not every day do I enjoy it, but by the time it gets to show time -- there's so much bullshit in show business -- that by the time it gets to actually doing the show, I'm always kind of relieved to be doing it. So I think that's what comes across.
I'm not Anne of Green Gables. I don't walk around perky all the time. Far from it. But I guess I think everything in my life is connected. Things were pretty tough when I was a kid, and I got into a lot of trouble with alcohol. So when you get by that, I guess everything else starts to feel like gravy.
Also, I have this great anger against pseudo-intellectuals who believe that cynicism is the only form of intelligence. So I like the idea of fucking with the idea that being grumpy is a sign of higher intelligence. I actually refuse to believe that. I think that joy is the most advanced spiritual, intellectual and emotional state.
Q: But even with the guests, you project actual interest.
Ferguson: When I'm not interested, it's kind of rare. Occasionally, someone turns up and I go, "What the fuck was that?" But most people are interesting for five to 10 minutes, anyway. And that's all I'm going to be talking to them for, most of the time. And I have to say, to be fair to the guests, most of them who come on the show are interesting. Occasionally, you have to help them get that out.
I like Paris Hilton as a guest, which is odd because initially I was very snobby about her in the beginning. She has a story that is almost unique, so I thought: Why not play with that a bit?
I don't know why I'm saying this, but it's kind of true: Whenever a large group of people expect me to do something, that's when I want to do the opposite. So when they say we only have authors and intellectuals on the show, that's when I say, "No, we've got to have Paris Hilton or somebody from The Hills." I don't like the idea of getting into a rut with it. Sometimes I get it wrong, and I don't care about that. I don't care about getting it wrong because I do a show every night. If I get it wrong, I'll try and change it the next night.
Q: When you got the show and they said, no band, no sidekick, just you, did that strike you as a challenge, a vote of limited confidence or something in between?
Ferguson: It didn't strike me as anything because I had absolutely zero experience in the world of late-night television. I'm just some dude that drifted into it. I didn't train in it, I don't know how to do it right. I've never had a band so I don't know what it's like to have a band.
The only time the format applies to late-night rigidly -- as far as I can see -- is what time the show goes out. Other than that, we're going to mess around. [This] week, we have in the same week Paris Hilton and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. That's the way I like it to be. On the same show, that would be a little tricky. But in the same week … Actually, I'd like to get them both in a sketch.
Q: I was hoping the headline for this story would say: Scottish Conan guy says: "I'll kick Jimmy Fallon's ass!" Would that be OK?
Ferguson: No. I wouldn't say that. I'm not interested in doing that. I don't know Jimmy Fallon. He seems like a very nice guy. But because he's taking over the job, everyone asks me my opinion of him. I don't have an opinion of him. I do what I do. I'll do what I did when Conan was doing late night; I'll do what I do when Jimmy's doing it. I understand that they're connected in business, but they're in no way connected creatively. And I don't worry my pretty little head about what the money guys are up to.
The truth is, if he crushes me in the numbers every night, they're either going to fire me or they'll let me do what I want. There's not any other way I can do the show.
Q: What did you think when you heard about Leno moving to 10 p.m. five nights a week?
Ferguson: I don't know whether that'll work. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. I was kind of surprised. I thought Jay was going to go to ABC. Everybody thought that. I thought Jay was going to go 11:30 and Jimmy Kimmel would go 12:30. It does seem like a lot of middle-aged guys on TV talking for a long time. I don't know if it'll damage people who are on later, like me, or if it'll damage Dave. I don't know what the appetite is for these kinds of shows.
I think short-term, it's a smart business decision. I don't know if long-term, it's smart. But then again, I don't know that anything long-term is smart.
Q: You're recently married. Can we assume that your wife is a lovely woman -- and not just for legal reasons, as you like to say about your ex?
Ferguson: She is a lovely woman for all sorts of reasons. She's the only person I've met who would make me think about getting married again -- which is a criteria I suppose I should have applied before. But I didn't. I love my wife and I'm very happy to be married to her.
Q: Most of us take our citizenship for granted. American citizenship really seems to mean a lot to you.
Ferguson: Sure it does. I have the immigrant mentality. When you talked earlier about how I seem to be happy on the show, I think if anything it's an expression of gratitude. I can draw a line in my life of before and after I came to America and there's just no comparison. None. I'm very grateful to this country and I do my tiny little bit to say thank you for that. I don't want to be jingoistic, but I'm genuinely patriotic about this place. I love it. I'm very grateful to it, and very proud to be an American.
marc-allan.com
BIO:
Marc Allan is a freelance reporter/ writer whose work has appeared in the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times and many other newspapers and magazines.
He's based in Indianapolis.
If you need something written, contact him at marc@marc-allan.com
Subscribe 
RSS
Articles
